Hello Kitty Dog Hip Dysplasia Orthopedic Brace

You really have to feel sorry for dogs that end up in Hello Kitty fanatic homes. Whether they are putting you in Hello Kitty dog clothes, placing a Hello Kitty muzzle over your nose, putting you in a Hello Kitty doghouse, placing a Hello Kitty head over your own or forcing you to get a Hello Kitty tattoo, life pretty much sucks all the way around. Of course, a Hello Kitty fanatic won’t stop there. When you’re old and you can no longer walk on your own, your owner will promptly embarrass you to no end by getting you a Hello Kitty dysplasia orthopedic brace:

hello-kitty-hip-dysplasia-orthopedic-brace

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Hello Kitty Antibacterial Soap

When I go to wash my hands, the last thing that I want to see is Hello Kitty. It looks like I will no longer have a choice in the matter with the introduction of Hello Kitty antibacterial soap:

Hello Kitty antibacterial soap

I have a very simple question. Is it at all possible to classify Hello Kitty as bacteria and use this soap on her? I mean, we already know that Hello Kitty is trying to kill us…

Hello Kitty Bruise?

It’s bad enough when your girlfriend encourages you to dress up in Hello Kitty stuff (same guy as in the photos below) and humiliate yourself, but you know you’ve reached new depths of horror when you begin to see Hello Kitty even when the evil feline is not there. Case in point – the Hello Kitty bruise:

Hello Kitty bruise

Everyone gets bruises and there is nothing special about this one you would assume unless you happen to be dating a Hello Kitty fanatic:

Hello Kitty bruise

She would encourage you to take out a pen and fill in the blanks until — tada — you have a Hello Kitty bruise:

Hello Kitty bruise

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Hello Kitty Mosquito Repellent Patch

The hot and humid days of summer are now in full force in Japan and that means having to deal with all the lovely mosquitoes. If you decide to go on a picnic and hike like we did this past weekend, it makes sense to take mosquito repellent with you. To my regret, I made the amateurish assumption that when I asked my wife to pack the mosquito repellent that it would be normal spray or cream mosquito repellent. I should have known better living in Hello Kitty Hell that assuming is always a bad thing to do. Thus, I was introduced to the Hello Kitty mosquito repellent patch:

Hello Kitty mosquito repellant patch

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Hello Kitty toothpick

The thing about living in Hello Kitty Hell is that you can never make a simple request and not have the evil feline right there to haunt you. You would assume that if you asked your significant other if they could hand you a toothpick, you would get a normal wood toothpick. Not in Hello Kitty Hell. I asked my wife if she could hand me a toothpick after dinner last night and she actually handed me Hello Kitty toothpicks:

Hello Kitty angel toothpick

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Hello Kitty Portable Body Fat Meter

When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, one of the worst sounds you can hear is the doorbell. That is because there is a 99% chance that whoever is ringing it is doing so with the intention of adding yet another piece to the ever growing mountain of Hello Kitty crap that has already found its way into your house. Today’s doorbell ring did not disappoint.

It’s already been well established that Hello Kitty has produced more than her fair share of completely useless gadgets, but it doesn’t appear that this will in any way stop her from producing more. That’s why it should come as no surprise that the Hello Kitty portable body fat meter exists:

Hello Kitty body fat meter

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Hello Kitty Toothpaste

I know that it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish week when my wife comes up to me with a huge smile on her face, her hands behind her back and asks me the dreaded question, “Guess what I have for you?” At that point I usually think that it would be a lot less painful to simply off myself at that very second, but somehow I manage to get a serene look on my face and ask back, “I have no idea, what is it dear?” (I think if they gave a reward for the person that could hide their true emotions, I would be in the running). Then, of course, I get presented with something like Hello Kitty toothpaste:

Hello Kitty toothpaste

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