Hello Kitty Breast Pump

One of the most disturbing aspects of the evil feline is her insistence of being a part of every bodily function a person has. She wants to be there when you defecate in the form of what you use, what you wipe yourself with (in a a variety of patterns including KISS) and where your waste eventually ends up. Then she insists on being around when it’s that time of the month and when things need to be refreshed down there (and that doesn’t even address those that feel it necessary to decorate –NSFW). Of course, she also wants to be around when any type of sexual activity is taking place (flavored versions as well if that’s what you’re into).

So I guess it really shouldn’t be a surprise that she wants to be there helping you pump your breast milk when that time arrives as well. Yes, that’s right. The people at Sanrio have decided that what the world really needs is both an electric breast pump and a hand breast pump featuring the cat-with-no-mouth.

Hello kityt electric and hand breast pump

As I say time and again, it can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Norma

Shower Head

When it comes to the evil feline, there are few things worse than having to confront her in the early morning before you are fully awake. With the last remnants of sleep still keeping your mind somewhat foggy, there’s absolutely no way to believe anything other than you’re suspended in some intensely bad dream when confronted with Miss Kitty and all her horrors. Knowing this, the Hello Kitty shower head is one of the most evil and sheer terror producing items that she has decided to brand.

hello kitty shower head

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Knife Set

It’s not often I come across a Hello Kitty product where I’m not sure whether to hate it or love it. The mere fact that it’s yet another product depicting the evil feline produces instant loathing, but if I had to have something adorned with Ms Kitty White, I think the Hello Kitty knife set would be high on the list:

hello kitty knife set

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Hello Kitty Ghostbusters Proton Pack

This really shouldn’t be a surprise. When the evil feline is willing to create a Hello Kitty Darth Vader or a Hello Kitty Klingon, it isn’t a stretch to imagine that she would try to invade absolutely every imaginable franchise including Ghostbusters. So while my eyes bleed at the sickly pink and my brain hurts at the abomination of a Hello Kitty Ghostbusters proton pack, I can’t say that I’m really all that surprised. If you’re a fan, be prepared to weep:

Hello Kitty Ghostbusters pink proton pack

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Zooey Deschanel Hello Kitty

While it’s certainly true that Hello Kitty finds a variety of ways to make my life hell on a daily basis, most of the time I can take it. Then there are the days when the evil feline devastates me.

I have always had a secret celebrity crush on Zooey Deschanel. Since I had never seen a photograph of her wearing the evil feline like so many other celebrities, I’d come to assume that she was one of the sane ones out there.

zooey deschanel loves Hello Kitty

So you can imagine the devastation I felt when I discovered that not only did Zooey Deschanel have this monstrosity (3rd photo down) of a Hello Kitty sewing machine, she was actually quite proud of it:

The Hello Kitty janome sewing machine that Zooey Deschanel owns

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Hello Kitty Car Door Lock

I’m not sure exactly what the obsession is with Hello Kitty and cars (then again, I don’t understand the obsession with Hello Kitty and anything, so that isn’t saying much), but there is an annoying trend of branding every car accessory possible with the evil feline. The Hello Kitty exhaust pipe, Hello Kitty car headlights and, of course, Hello Kitty car rims are just a few of many examples. Add the Hello Kitty car door lock to the mix of these hideous car accessories:

hello kitty car door lock

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Hello Kitty Fishing Reel

One would assume that there were certain sports that would be free of the evil feline such as fishing. of course, this would be greatly underestimating Hello Kitty’s desire to place her face on absolutely everything. No longer can a fisherman request fishing gear as a birthday gift without the risk of something like this being given to them: The Hello Kitty fishing reel.

hello kitty fishing reel

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Hello Kitty iPhone

Life gives you a very different perspective on gadgets when you live in Hello Kitty Hell. While most people crave the latest and greatest electronic toys out there, those that share their lives with fanatics of Hello Kitty live in fear with each new popular gadget that hits the stores. This is because we know that it’s only a matter of time before that popular gadget comes in Pepto Bismol pink covered with the evil feline.

I already hate cell phones in general because of what my wife does to them. When we lived in Japan, I avoided having to live with a Hello Kitty iPhone because there were so many other cell phones that were superior to it there that my wife wanted, but now that we are back in the US, my wife is insisting that she needs an iPhone. I have no doubt that this is what it is going to ultimately look like:

hello kitty 3G iPhone

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Hello Kitty Chainsaw

There are some combinations that just should never go together. Hello Kitty x Jesus. Hello Kitty x S&M room. Hello Kitty x Men’s underwear (I could go on and on, but I would rather not have your suicide attempt traced back to this blog). Of course, Hello Kitty continually adds to this list. Case and point — Hello Kitty x chainsaw:

hello kitty chainsaw

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Hello Kitty Ice Cube Tray Giveaway

It is not often that my wife will give away things in her Hello Kitty collection, but she always has a soft heart when it comes to good causes. When we were in Japan, we used to give toys to a local orphanage. Now that we are back in the US, we needed to come up with a new project. We have set a very ambitious goal to provide a lot of food to food banks, and although we have just started, we are making a difference.

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Hello Kitty Mop

What’s worse than cleaning up around the house? Cleaning up around the house using Hello Kitty cleaning products. Nothing makes mopping the kitchen floor worse than having the evil feline staring back at you the entire time — something which happens when you have the Hello Kitty mop in your house:

Hello Kitty dry mop

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Hello Kitty Xbox Controller

If there is one rule of thumb when living with a Hello Kitty fanatic, it is never to leave anything that you value where the Hello Kitty fanatic has access to it. Why you ask? Because if you do, you’ll end up with an Xbox controller that looks like this…

hello kitty xbox controller

left by eignasan via Twitter who says “My boyfriend will love his improved HK controller when he sees it.”

Update: Apparently Gamecube game controllers are also not immune against being Hello Kittified:

hello kitty gamecube controller

Sent in by Fluff who asks, “Why do girls feel the need to collect all that rubbish? Check out what my gf did to my gamecube controller!”

Hello Kitty Rockband Guitar

It’s important to let all those out there who make a special effort to get their Hello Kitty fanatic significant other something that she would like to immediately stop it. It not only puts you deeper into Hello Kitty Hell, it makes it worse for all of us who are desperately trying to escape from it. Case in point, the Hello Kitty Rockband Guitar:

Hello Kitty Rockband guitar

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Hello Kitty Mimobots

One of the few things that I have been able to keep from being Hello Kittified is my own computer, although my wife has tried repeatedly to convince me that a Hello Kitty computer is something that I need. When convincing me to get a Hello Kitty computer failed, she decided to try and brand my computer with the evil feline by purchasing all kinds of Hello Kitty accessories for my computer. The Hello Kitty mimobots are her latest attempt:

Hello Kitty Mimobot

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Hello Kitty Gumball Machine

I’ve seen a number of Hello Kitty gumball machines through the years and my wife always insists on getting a gumball out of them as if a Hello Kitty gumball machine will somehow make the gumball taste any better. I, on the other hand, simply see Hello Kitty gumball machines as a way for the evil feline to get me to put something in my mouth that she just vomited up…

Hello Kitty gumball machine

Sent in by flora

More Hello Kitty gumball machines:

hello kitty gumball machines

Sent in by Mark

Hello Kitty Paintball Gun

I guess when you play competitive games, you have to sometimes sacrifice your dignity in order to win. That can be the only explanation for the Hello Kitty paintball gun. There is no doubt that upon seeing it, any opponent will be instantaneously frozen with both fear and disgust leaving him/her to be a sitting duck just waiting to be picked off. The irony, of course, is that the loser will go home having lost happily, knowing that he doesn’t have to live life with a Hello Kitty paintball gun. The victor, on the other hand, will carry the shame of owning that monstrosity which pretty much ensures lifetime psychological damage for the rest of his life. Even when you think you win with the evil feline, you lose…

Hello Kitty paintball gun

Hello Kitty paint ball gun

sent in by freewin (via Charkrem)

Hello Kitty Radio Controlled Truck

I’m not sure what is more disturbing — the fact that they actually make a Hello Kitty radio-controlled truck or the amount of fun that the person seems to be having using it. I kept hoping against hope that someone would walk by and step on the damn thing or that it would fall down a flight of stairs and give a satisfying end to the video — no such luck…

Sent in by radioman

Hello Kitty Crystal Music Player

It’s not like the world needs another Hello Kitty digital music player, but just because something is not needed doesn’t mean the evil feline won’t sell it. In this case she resorts to her favorite marketing tool that is sure to appeal to all the Hello Kitty fanatics — covering the digital music player with lots and lots of bling in the form of Swarovski crystals. Not only does this keep the fanatic happy, but it also blinds everyone else to the evil that is coming…

Hello Kitty crystal music player

Hello Kitty crystal digital music player

Hello Kitty Swarovski  music player

Sent in by andrea