Hello Kitty Cleavage

I apologize in advance bringing a day of my life into your world. It’s never a fun process of opening my emails in the morning because I know that I will inevitably be terrified by some photo from a fanatic who somehow thinks it was a good idea to send it to me. Even worse, they can’t be unseen. It’s always been a bit beyond me why fanatics of the evil feline think that she’s sexy and will attract men when in all reality she’s an automatic repellent to anyone who has half a brain, but then we have already established that fanatics have little more than air floating around in their heads. Combine lack of brains with a twisted notion that she has sex appeal and ideas like Hello Kitty cleavage get dreamed up to terrify all of us with an ounce of common sense:

Hello Kitty cleavage

I guess there are a couple of legitimate reason that this would be beneficial. It would be a wonderful way to tackle world overpopulation since nobody in their right mind would ever want to reproduce with someone wearing this. It would also be a much more effective campaign than “abstinence only” and easily eliminate teen sex for generations. But in the end, it’s simply one more thing which adds to the horrifying depths of Hello Kitty Hell…

Comic Con

If you were planning to attend Comic Con is San Diego later this month, you might want to serious reconsider. Apparently, the evil feline will be there in full force with her (and I’m not making this up — this is a quote from their press release) “band of Lolitas, who personify anime, cosplay and the colorful style of Japanese pop culture, will host fans at the experience” to make sure that everyone wishes that they never attended. Let’s just pray that fanatics don’t dress up like they did at Dragoncon (NSFW or your life)

Hello Kitty comic convention 2013

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Wedding Shoes

It seems that fanatics, for some unfathomable reason, have a desperate need to completely ruin their weddings. Of course, one should realize that the entire affair is going to look like a train wreck when there is a Hello Kitty engagement ring and wedding ring involved. So, when cakes, dresses, and even tuxedos are all likely to be adorned with the evil feline, you know that someone is going to think it’s a good idea to have the wedding shoes plastered with the cat-with-no-mouth on them as well:

Hello Kitty bride shoes

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Vajazzle (NSFW)

Although I have come to the inevitable (although still excruciatingly painful) realization that I’m going to eventually see everything succumb to the branding of the evil feline at some point, there are still things that end up in my email that I hope for the sanity of the human race never become trends. The Hello Kitty vajazzle is most definitely one of those things:

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Lips

With her never-ending fascination with all things oral (even though she doesn’t have a mouth), it really shouldn’t be much of a surprise that fanatics would think that drawing the evil feline on their lips would be a good idea. Of course, that means the rest of us who possess even a tiny bit of sanity end up having to try to erase from our minds the image of Hello kitty lips:

hello kitty lips

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Brass Knuckles Ring

There is no doubt that Hello Kitty likes her rings. She expects her loyal fans to wear them at every stage of their lives, including when they get engaged and even when they get married. But what is a fanatic to do when someone with common sense points out how hideous that ring actually is? Have no fear — that is exactly the situation where the Hello Kitty brass knuckle ring comes into play:

hello kitty brass knuckles ring

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Braids

I’m not sure what it is with the evil feline and hair. Fanatics, in their delusional exuberance, feel that shaving the cat with no mouth into their hair is a good idea. Or turning their hair into a bow. Or going out and buying a Hello Kitty wig. And let’s not forget that there’s actually a Kitty hair salon. One would think that these people would have embarrassed themselves enough with all of this, but apparently not (which really shouldn’t be a surprise since it seems that this is the goal of their lives). Now we can add the Hello Kitty braid to the mix:

Hello Kitty hair braid

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Princess Tiara

When you think about the evil feline, things don’t get much worse than the things that she brands for weddings. From engagement and wedding rings to wedding dresses (with almost every type of accessory in between), you knew that there was no way that she could resist making the bride the object of hideousness by providing the one wedding accessory that would make her look ridiculous. Since Miss Kitty knows that no true fan would dare walk down the aisle without wearing a $30,000 platinum Hello Kitty princess tiara on her head (and that they would also be willing to pay that much for it), she created one:

hello kitty tiara

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Sunglasses

We are already well aware that the cat with no mouth tends to go a bit overboard in her decorations. For those that have any doubt, just take a look at what she does to phones and nails. Only in the world of the evil feline does it somehow make sense that the way to block the sun while wearing glasses is to fill those glasses with so much bling that the sun can’t get through them. The obvious fact that it also means that you can’t see crap out of them yourself apparently doesn’t seem to be an issue of much concern which is perfectly illustrated with these Hello Kitty sunglasses:

hello kitty sunglasses

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High Heels

I guess it was only a matter of time before Hello Kitty shoes would find a way to look similar to Hello Kitty phones. I’m not exactly why anyone would want to walk around with these on their feet other than repel every other human being on the planet, so I guess that anyone delusional enough to wear these is actually doing all humans a service in warning them to stay as far away as possible. Could there really be any other reaction to these Hello Kitty high heels?

Hello Kitty 3 inch heels

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Stockings

There are bad ideas, and then there are ideas that have simply been created to infuse the vast majority of the human population with utter and total disgust. While most items branded by the evil feline fall somewhere in between these points, it seems that more and more are finding their way closer the “total disgust” side of the spectrum. Case in point — there really can be no other reason for the invention of the Hello Kitty stockings than to recreate those revolting dry heaves that you get in the morning after drinking far too much tequila the night before. Don’t believe me? Take a look and let the queasiness begin…

hello kitty stockings

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Haircut

While there are a ton of trends that involve the evil feline that frighten me beyond belief (simply take a look through this blog and you will instantly know what I mean), this is certainly a trend that I hope never catches on. It seems that there are a few guys out there that somehow came to the conclusion that a Hello Kitty haircut would be a good idea (or, more likely, were somehow convinced by their girlfriends that this would be worthwhile).

hello kitty haircut

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America’s Next Top Model

How can anyone possibly make reality TV any worse than it already is? Although most people wouldn’t think it could be possible, reality has shown it was actually quite easily accomplished. Simply add “Hello Kitty high fashion” and you get what can only be described as fashion created by coughing up a massive Hello Kitty hairball. Don’t believe me? Watch the video (at your own risk as it will undoubtedly scar your brain for life)

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Dodgeball Team

There are few things that surprise me in Hello Kitty Hell these days, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t come across things on a daily basis that make me ask myself, “for the love of all that is supposed to be good in the word…why???” The Hello Kitty dodgeball team definitely falls into that category:

Hello Kitty dodgeball team

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Ball Gag

It has already been well established that Hello Kitty, that loveable and innocent little girl’s character that she is, has quite a fetsih for S&M (you simply need to look at the Hello Kitty flogger, the Hello Kitty latex bed, the Hello Kitty bondage room, the Hello Kitty bondage sofa (NSFW) or the Hello Kitty love hotel room to confirm this). So it’s quite fitting that the evil feline should continue to show her innocence to all with the Hello Kitty ball gag:

hello kitty ball gag

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Duct Tape Bra

I knew that things weren’t going to be good as soon as Hello Kitty duct tape came to existence. This was quickly confirmed with the Hello Kitty duct tape purse and then there was absolutely no doubt with the Hello Kitty duct tape dress. Of course, fanatics of the evil feline couldn’t leave bad enough alone and decided that a Hello Kitty duct tape bra was in order:

Hello Kitty duct tape bra

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Hello Kitty Elle Cover

You know that you really can’t take a fashion magazine seriously when they are willing to place the evil feline on the cover. You know they have gone completely insane when they think that doing a double cover is something that’s acceptable. We know that Elle Taiwan editors have guzzled the Kool Aid with their December Elle Hello Kitty magazine double cover:

Hello Kitty Elle magazine

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Hello Kitty Heels and Tights

There is this extremely unfortunate (and frightening) notion among Hello Kitty fanatics that wearing very little clothing in conjunction with the evil feline is somehow a good thing. I think this photo proves that this notion is definitely not the case:

Hello Kitty heels and tights

The worst part is that this isn’t even a Hello Kitty costume which pretty much ensures a Hello Kitty Hellish day for anyone that has to lay eyes on it…

Left by Whitney Rose on Facebook

Hello Kitty Sandwich Ring

The people at Sanrio have gotten to the point that they aren’t even trying anymore. Seriously. The don’t care at all because they know that the fanatics will buy anything. I think they have even reached the point of actively trying to see if they can find anything that Hello Kitty fanatics won’t buy. There really is no other explanation for the Hello Kitty sandwich ring:

Hello Kitty sandwich ring

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