Hello Kitty Hell

The people at Sanrio seem to do everything in their power to make my life miserable in winter. The pink set arrived at our house yesterday and is a perfect example to illustrate this point…

You would think that once Halloween was over that everyone could feel safe from the horror of having Hello Kitty fanatics dress up as the evil feline. Sanrio, in all their evilness, has other ideas. In an effort to torture all non Hello Kitty fanatics into submission, Sanrio wants to make dressing up as Hello [...]

You know that you have lived in Hello Kitty Hell far too long when you take a look at photos like this and immediately say to yourself, “well at least her face mask isn’t Hello Kitty” when in reality any sane person would be running as fast as they could in the opposite direction in [...]

What is it with Hello Kitty fanatics and Hello Kitty plush fashion? Seriously, it’s one of the most disturbing trends for the simple fact that someone with absolutely no fashion sense can look at it and know instantly that they would never be caught dead in something like that. It’s bad enough that these types [...]

Apparently the evil feline wants us to believe that flu masks adorned with her image are more than just fashion statements and are actually something you would want to wear to help prevent swine flu. While Hello Kitty fanatics may be willing to place their health in the hands of Hello Kitty products, (as I [...]

I knew that I would regret posting the Hello Kitty handbag fashion show video. As soon as the video was posted, other Hello Kitty fashion show videos started appearing in my email box (to my disgust, but to the delight of my wife). Among these was a Hello Kitty latex fashion show (possibly nsfw)…

There are some things about Hello Kitty fanatics I just don’t want to know. Apparently there is a a rave called Bloodfest where “the Infamous Boom Boom does his blood bath performance which is basically simulated sex in a tub full of blood and bones.” This year Boom Boom incorporated the below Hello Kitty plush [...]

The thing that I fear most in Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I have kids. It’s an absolutely no win situation, first and foremost, because she will want to have the baby conceived in a Hello Kitty bondage room and delivered in a Hello Kitty maternity ward. If it’s a baby boy, [...]

A few more reasons that my sanity is happy that I was able to avoid the entire Three Apples art exhibit and 35th anniversary celebration in person — There was no doubt that the Hello Kitty fanatics would be out in droves with their corresponding hideous Hello Kitty fashion outfits:

Left on twitter by aminerat (via [...]

The evil feline has no shame. It was obvious that the entire Three Apples 35th Anniversary celebration was going to be Pepto Bismol pink Hell from the beginning, and the appearance of Paris Hilton made things that much worse. Now that photos from the event are being sent to me left and right (seriously folks, [...]

As if there weren’t already 100 reasons not to attend the Three Apples Hello Kitty 35th Anniversary gala torture chamber, the fact that Paris Hilton showed up pretty much ensured that the whole event would have been unbearably painful:

I have no doubt that having to sit through a Hello Kitty fashion show would constitute torture to any civilized nation and most people would consider the death penalty appropriate for anyone that actually put one on (miraculously, this is one experience I have yet to endure although my wife still has it on the [...]

In yet another example that this Hello Kitty 35th anniversary celebration has gone way past the point of sanity, Sanrio invited Portuguese fashion designer Maria Gambina to create a unique fashion piece – the results being the Hello Kitty burqa:

My wife was already a fan of Lady Gaga due to her Hello Kitty hair bow and visit to Japan where she professed her love of the evil feline. This has only grown as Lady Gaga posed for a Markus & Indrani photo shoot for the Three Apples art collection (yet another reason to avoid [...]

No matter how much a Hello Kitty fanatic wishes it to be true, putting on evil feline plush ears with a bow is not acceptable behavior. Asking your significant other to try them on “just to see how they look” pretty much assures that you are comfortable with him living in Hello Kitty hell…

Sent in [...]

In another attempt to get me in trouble with my wife (which has unfortunately succeeded), I am now officially not allowed to look at any women other than my wife in Hello Kitty bras and underwear. I was tempted to ask for her to make it a 100% ban on looking at any women in [...]

There are a few things that always hold true when it comes to the evil feline. 1. If it’s something that I have no desire seeing, it’s going to end up at my house or in my email box. 2. Of those things that end up in my email box, quite a few of them [...]

I know it’s going to be a really, really Hello Kitty hellish day when photos like these end up in my email box. I don’t want to know why. I don’t want to know when. I just plain don’t want to know anything about what is going on here. I advise you to turn away [...]

A diamond ribbon, over 400 pink sapphires on its body, a citrine nose, black spinel eyes and made of platinum, there is no doubt that my wife will want this. Luckily for me, her business isn’t so good that she can afford the $150,000 it costs…

Sent in by Susan

I hate Hello Kitty eye masks. My wife sleeps with them on and there are literally dozens of different patterns on the market. While they help keep the light out of her eyes, they also perpetually have me inches away from dying of a heart attack.
Imagine for a moment that your significant other rolls [...]