Hello Kitty Hell

I knew that things weren’t going to be good as soon as Hello Kitty duct tape came to existence. This was quickly confirmed with the Hello Kitty duct tape purse and then there was absolutely no doubt with the Hello Kitty duct tape dress. Of course, fanatics of the evil feline couldn’t leave bad enough [...]

You know that you really can’t take a fashion magazine seriously when they are willing to place the evil feline on the cover. You know they have gone completely insane when they think that doing a double cover is something that’s acceptable. We know that Elle Taiwan editors have guzzled the Kool Aid with their [...]

There is this extremely unfortunate (and frightening) notion among Hello Kitty fanatics that wearing very little clothing in conjunction with the evil feline is somehow a good thing. I think this photo proves that this notion is definitely not the case: The worst part is that this isn’t even a Hello Kitty costume which pretty [...]

The people at Sanrio have gotten to the point that they aren’t even trying anymore. Seriously. The don’t care at all because they know that the fanatics will buy anything. I think they have even reached the point of actively trying to see if they can find anything that Hello Kitty fanatics won’t buy. There [...]

We all instinctively know that Hello Kitty guns are an extremely bad idea. There is no need to show us. In fact, we also know instinctively that if we did see a fanatic with guns that we would cringe in the best case scenario and our brains would be scarred for life in the worst. [...]

While I’m not a big fan of any of the Hello Kitty costumes that are out there, I’m especially horrified with this one. I think that this Hello Kitty mummy cosplay model confirms, without a doubt, that Hello Kitty supports eating disorders:

I knew this was coming. I secretly prayed that it wouldn’t, but the mere fact that the evil feline exists pretty much proves that there is no God. It has become an annual torture fest beginning with Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkins landing in my email, then eventually a Hello Kitty Halloween costume ending up there [...]

One would assume that since Hello Kitty has no mouth that she wouldn’t be able to speak, and thus there wouldn’t be any Hello Kitty quotes that my wife could constantly reference. Of course, that would make way too much sense which is definitely not the way the evil feline works. In fact, she has [...]

There are some things in life that when I see, I give thanks that I was somehow spared from the Hello Kitty Hellishness. That is exactly how I feel about this recent Hello Kitty by Swarovski event in Japan (prepare for 5 minutes of sickening sweetness if you dare to watch this video — I [...]

It can never be said that the evil feline doesn’t know how to compliment the atrocities she comes up with. One would have imagined that once the Hello Kitty contacts came out, she had done as much damage as she could with the eyes of Hello Kitty fanatics. Of course, that would underestimate how much [...]

It didn’t take long for things to get a whole lot worse. After the Hello Kitty duct tape spawned the Hello Kitty duct tape purse, you would think that those of us living in Hello Kitty Hell would get a few days of respite to heal our eyes (and minds) from the hideousness. That, of [...]

It seemed pretty obvious the second that Hello Kitty duct tape appeared that it was going to spawn some stomach-churning awful ideas. This reality didn’t take long to come to fruition with the Hello Kitty duct tape purse:

Obviously, there are far too many Hello Kitty fanatic moms out there with have the sole purpose in their life being to permanently scar their child. There is no other explanation for something like Hello Kitty knitted tights to exist:

For some unfathomable reason, Hello Kitty fanatics feel that it’s appropriate to send me photos of their Hello Kitty collections. Believe me, opening an email filled with photos of a Hello Kitty collection is probably one of the most hellish things that one can ever experience, especially early in the morning or just after a [...]

It was probably inevitable. Once the Hello Kitty pregnant belly art made an appearance, it was simply a matter of time before someone felt the incomprehensible urge to ruin my day by sending me a full set of Hello Kitty body paint photos. Unfortunately, that day has come:

The problem with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that there isn’t a season that is safe. The Hello Kitty bikini ensures that I have absolutely no desire for summer to arrive, but then things like Hello Kitty ear muffs (almost as bad as the Hello Kitty hat and mittens) get sent to me and [...]

You knew it was simply a matter of time. With Hello Kitty retainers and Hello Kitty braces was there ever really any doubt? I even mentioned it when the Hello Kitty tooth came to my attention that it it was inevitable that at some point there would be a Hello Kitty grill:

When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, you always have to be extra careful what you wish for. I was imagining how it would be absolutely wonderful when winter is over and the warm weather is once again upon us. Then this Hello Kitty bikini monstrosity landed in my email proving that exile to Antarctica [...]

When it comes to Hello Kitty fanatics, you can be pretty sure that their unfortunate obsession includes shoes. It doesn’t matter if they are Hello Kitty Reeboks, Hello Kitty Nikes, Hello Kitty Asics or the infamous Hello Kitty Converse (seriously folks, over 300 comments mostly from fanatics whining) — and that is not to mention [...]

Hello Kitty has already started producing Hello Kitty mind altering chemicals (Yes, she also makes this and this which is what probably first came to mind when I mentioned mind altering chemicals), so it makes perfect sense that they would want to profit from this by selling Hello Kitty gas masks as well: