Hello Kitty Hell

When everything good in the world meets everything wrong with the world and wrong wins, the unfortunate and all too terrifying result is Hello Kitty bacon…

One of the worst parts of living in Hello Kitty Hell is how the evil feline manages to ruin all types of food. It has already been well established that no food is off limits to her commercialization, and she once again proves that with stunning clarity. Anyone who loves Mexican food should be shedding [...]

I figured that if I could survive the excruciating pain of having to see all the hideous Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkin creations, I would no longer have to worry about the evil feline being carved into fruits. Unfortunately, I once again greatly underestimated the true diabolical nature within her soul when I was shown a [...]

If you have to ask “When is Hello Kitty’s birthday?” or don’t instantly know that it’s November 1, 1974, then consider yourself one of the luckiest people on the planet. If you do know that November first is Hello Kitty’s birthday, you either have been endowed with an unfortunate intellect which for some unimaginable reason [...]

It’s bad enough that Hello Kitty puts herself all over typical Halloween themes like Hello Kitty pumpkins and Hello Kitty costumes. It’s a stretch when the evil feline starts appearing on Halloween cupcakes and Halloween cookies. You know that there’s absolutely no boundaries when she shows up on a Halloween car, Halloween finger nails and [...]

I guess I should have expected it. If there are Hello Kitty Halloween cupcakes, was there really any doubt that there would also be Hello Kitty Halloween cookies as well?

When it comes to ruining foods, look no further than the evil feline. Her latest endeavor in her never ending quest to put the Hello Kitty name on anything and everything in the world is the creation of Hello Kitty Cheetos:

I guess it was a far too hopeful for me to wish that Hello Kitty could ever be satisfied with the torture that she unleashed on all the significant others of Hello Kitty fanatics with her horrifying Hello Kitty ice-cream because she decided for some unfathomable reason that she also needed a Hello Kitty popsicle [...]

The biggest problem with posting any type of food on this blog (such as yesterday’s Hello Kitty pretzels) is that Hello Kitty fanatics feel it’s somehow their duty in life to send me more Hello Kitty food atrocities. Thus I have things like Hello Kitty gingerbread raisin cookies show up to ensure that I continue [...]

If you live in Hello Kitty Hell, you quickly learn that it is never a good idea to mention Hello Kitty and a food product in the same sentence. If you do, the result is often quite unfortunate and you end up with things like Hello Kitty pretzels in front of you:

I should know better. Hello Kitty fanatics waste absolutely no time spreading the torture of the upcoming holiday at hand. With the beginning of a new month, I should have known that it was going to be a mistake to open any email that had Hello Kitty and <3 in the title. Apparently Hello Kitty [...]

Hello Kitty fanatics have a way of ruining breakfast. Be it Hello Kitty coffee, Hello Kitty waffles or Hello Kitty pancakes, there is always the danger that the evil feline will show up on your plate while you’re still half asleep to scare the hell out of you for the rest of the day. I [...]

Having a Hello Kitty fanatic in your life is bad. Really bad. So bad that nobody except those suffering through their own Hello Kitty Hell can even understand. My sympathies go out to you, but is actually can be worse. Seriously, I don’t think that there can be something quite as terrifying and sadistic as [...]

Add cows to the growing list of animals that despise the evil feline. Apparently, Hello Kitty didn’t feel that creating Hello Kitty hamburgers was enough and decided that she also needed to brand Hello Kitty frozen beef patties as well:

One would think that the mere fact that Hello Kitty pasta exists would be enough to satisfy the evil feline in the area of pasta, but that would be greatly underestimating the desire of Hello Kitty to take over the world. So the next obvious step was for the people at Sanrio to help develop [...]

All I can say is that I’ll be damn glad when Halloween is over…

When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, it is always extremely frightening to actually get up and walk to the table for breakfast. This is because you could very well wake up to something like Hello Kitty waffles which pretty much guarantees massive amounts of traumatic stress the rest of the day:

One would assume that having the evil feline cut out fruit in the shape of her face and marketing fruit under her own brand (and we aren’t going to even touch the Hello Kitty banana cover) would be enough to satisfy her fruitful dominance cravings, but that, of course, would be highly underestimating what Hello [...]

I have an aversion to any Hello Kitty and pancakes combination since it was the Hello Kitty pancake maker that made me realise that I had entered into Hello Kitty Hell. I can tell you from experience that there is not a better way to completely ruin someone’s day than to serve them up a [...]

There was one point that the only thing I hadn’t seen was Hello Kitty pizza and Hello Kitty beer (which, of course, I have since seen). One would assume that this would pretty much indicate that the world was coming to an end and there would be no need to go any further, but that [...]