Hello Kitty Terminator Cake

Well, we all instinctively know that there is nothing close to being soft, sweet or lovable under the skin of the evil feline. So what are you to do if you are given the unfortunate task of making a cake that shows what you’ll find under her matted fur? You make exactly what you imagined you’d find, and that would result in something along the lines of a Hello Kitty Terminator cake:

Hello Kitty as terminator cake

Cute terminator cake

Hello Kitty x Terminator specialty cake

Of course, the scary part is that we know exactly that her goal is exactly the same as the Terminator’s goal of world domination, although the mouthless wonder goes about it in a much more cruel and devastating way by inflicting far more pain and cruelty than any Terminator could ever inflict. And the worst part is that this knowledge simply confirms the horror of another average day when it comes to living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Julie (via Between The Pages)

Strawberries

One of the first things that you learn when you have a Hello Kitty fanatic in your midst is that they believe everything should be fashioned into the evil feline whether it makes sense or not. This is readily apparent with food which for some unfathomable reason, must bear the face of the cat with no mouth no matter what it happens to be. In what now appears to be a quest to ruin all fruits that are out there, she has decided to add another kittified fruit to the horrifying list of melons, watermelons and fruit displays by creating a Hello Kitty strawberry:

hello kitty strawberries

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Maple Syrup

I guess this really should be expected. With all the types of Hello Kitty breakfasts including pancakes and waffles, you knew that the evil feline wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to make even more money on everyone’s morning meal. So it makes perfect sense (in a horrible, “why am I still living in this world?” sort of way) that there would be Hello Kitty maple syrup:

Hello Kitty maple syrup Canada

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Corn Flakes

You knew that it was simply a matter of time. First it was Hello Kitty toast and coffee. Then came the Hello Kitty eggs (both scrambled and hard boiled) and Hello Kitty bacon (and sausage) which soon lead to Hello Kitty pancakes and Hello Kitty waffles Once the Hello Kitty Fruit Loops made their appearance, did you really think it would stop there? Hello Kitty is determined to take over every part of breakast and she is now going through the cereals one by one with the addition of Hello Kitty corn flakes:

Hello Kitty cornflakes

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Hello Kitty Soft Taco Tortilla

One of the worst parts of living in Hello Kitty Hell is how the evil feline manages to ruin all types of food. It has already been well established that no food is off limits to her commercialization, and she once again proves that with stunning clarity. Anyone who loves Mexican food should be shedding more than a few tears over the Hello Kitty soft taco tortilla:

Hello Kitty tortillas for soft tacos

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Hello Kitty Watermelon

I figured that if I could survive the excruciating pain of having to see all the hideous Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkin creations, I would no longer have to worry about the evil feline being carved into fruits. Unfortunately, I once again greatly underestimated the true diabolical nature within her soul when I was shown a carved Hello Kitty watermelon:

Hello Kitty watermelon carving

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Hello Kitty’s Birthday

If you have to ask “When is Hello Kitty’s birthday?” or don’t instantly know that it’s November 1, 1974, then consider yourself one of the luckiest people on the planet. If you do know that November first is Hello Kitty’s birthday, you either have been endowed with an unfortunate intellect which for some unimaginable reason gives you the misguided sense to be a fanatic, or have the truly horrible misfortune to be close to a fanatic. And while it’s a truly sad existence to find yourself in either one of the two latter situations, I do believe that everyone should be wished the very best on their birthday. It’s with this in mind that I recalled the one Hello Kitty cake that I could get behind and once again present it to Hello Kitty on her birthday.

Hello Kitty's birthday cake November 1

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Hello Kitty Halloween Obento

It’s bad enough that Hello Kitty puts herself all over typical Halloween themes like Hello Kitty pumpkins and Hello Kitty costumes. It’s a stretch when the evil feline starts appearing on Halloween cupcakes and Halloween cookies. You know that there’s absolutely no boundaries when she shows up on a Halloween car, Halloween finger nails and in a Hello Kitty Halloween obento:

Hello Kitty Halloween black cat obento

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Hello Kitty Gingerbread Raisin Cookies

The biggest problem with posting any type of food on this blog (such as yesterday’s Hello Kitty pretzels) is that Hello Kitty fanatics feel it’s somehow their duty in life to send me more Hello Kitty food atrocities. Thus I have things like Hello Kitty gingerbread raisin cookies show up to ensure that I continue to live in Hello Kitty Hell and fear every type of food out there.

Hello Kitty gingerbread alien cookies

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Hello Kitty Valentine Chocolate

I should know better. Hello Kitty fanatics waste absolutely no time spreading the torture of the upcoming holiday at hand. With the beginning of a new month, I should have known that it was going to be a mistake to open any email that had Hello Kitty and <3 in the title. Apparently Hello Kitty fanatics aren’t satisfied with hearts on Valentine’s Day and feel that it is necessary to include Hello Kitty chocolate in the mix as well:

hello kitty chocolate

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Hello Kitty Scrambled Eggs

Hello Kitty fanatics have a way of ruining breakfast. Be it Hello Kitty coffee, Hello Kitty waffles or Hello Kitty pancakes, there is always the danger that the evil feline will show up on your plate while you’re still half asleep to scare the hell out of you for the rest of the day. I know because this has happened to me far to often. We can now add another possible breakfast horror to the list — Hello Kitty scrambled eggs which are absolutely not something any sane person would want to wake up to in the morning:

hello kitty scrambled eggs

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Hello Kitty Onigiri

Having a Hello Kitty fanatic in your life is bad. Really bad. So bad that nobody except those suffering through their own Hello Kitty Hell can even understand. My sympathies go out to you, but is actually can be worse. Seriously, I don’t think that there can be something quite as terrifying and sadistic as a follower of the evil feline that also likes to cook. All you have to do is look at Hello Kitty sushi (or even worse, Hello Kitty spam sushi) and Hello Kitty bentos to realize the horrifying truth to this statement. Or Hello Kitty onigiri:

hello kitty onigiri rice balls

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Hello Kitty Canned Pasta With Sauce

One would think that the mere fact that Hello Kitty pasta exists would be enough to satisfy the evil feline in the area of pasta, but that would be greatly underestimating the desire of Hello Kitty to take over the world. So the next obvious step was for the people at Sanrio to help develop Hello Kitty canned pasta:

hello kitty canned pasta

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