Hello Kitty Hell

When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, it is always extremely frightening to actually get up and walk to the table for breakfast. This is because you could very well wake up to something like Hello Kitty waffles which pretty much guarantees massive amounts of traumatic stress the rest of the day:

One would assume that having the evil feline cut out fruit in the shape of her face and marketing fruit under her own brand (and we aren’t going to even touch the Hello Kitty banana cover) would be enough to satisfy her fruitful dominance cravings, but that, of course, would be highly underestimating what Hello [...]

I have an aversion to any Hello Kitty and pancakes combination since it was the Hello Kitty pancake maker that made me realise that I had entered into Hello Kitty Hell. I can tell you from experience that there is not a better way to completely ruin someone’s day than to serve them up a [...]

There was one point that the only thing I hadn’t seen was Hello Kitty pizza and Hello Kitty beer (which, of course, I have since seen). One would assume that this would pretty much indicate that the world was coming to an end and there would be no need to go any further, but that [...]

In her never ending attempt to place the Hello Kitty label on anything and everything possible, the evil feline now wants to ruin cookies and milk for the entire world. There is no other explanation for someone wanting to create a Hello Kitty Oreo:

What do you get the Hello Kitty fanatic in your life for Valentine’s Day? Apparently, the evil feline knows exactly what her fanatical followers want — to devour her brains:

Hello Kitty continues her quest to make sure nobody ever wants to eat again (or at least immeasurably suffer when it comes to eating food). Apparently being able to punch faces of Hello Kitty out of seaweed isn’t enough for the evil feline. For those that feel that it is too much effort to punch [...]

If there was ever really any doubt, it has now been confirmed. Hawaii has officially become an extended island of Japan and has succumbed to ownership of the evil feline (can the rest of the world really be that far behind?). Introducing Hello Kitty Hawaiian chocolate covered macadamia nuts: Sent in by kerri Update: Apparently [...]

What should you get a soldier on his birthday? Apparently some people think that a Hello Kitty birthday cake with the evil feline in full combat uniform holding a machine gun is the way to go. Of course, this would include the words that Hello Kitty would undoubtedly be barking out to soldiers in the [...]

It seems that the Hello Kitty beehive bees succumbed to the humiliation of having to be known as the Hello Kitty bees. At the time, Bill Bird was confused about why his bees were swarming even though the evidence was obvious as I explained: The answer is simple. You’re making the bees live in a [...]

I have no doubt that this was created to make sure that the significant other of every Hello Kitty fanatic suffers intolerable agony on a daily basis for the entire month of December as he has to listen each morning to the excited, high pitch squeals of joy about how cute that day’s chocolate blob [...]

The Hello Kitty turkey was bad, but to take it to a literal level is something only a Hello Kitty fanatic would do — and of course, one did. This is why you never want to have Thanksgiving with anyone that loves the evil feline, and I can say that I am extremely thankful that [...]

What happens if you are a male in a Hello Kitty dominated family? You get stuck having to use things covered with the evil feline through no fault of your own which can be especially traumatizing when you are only in the third grade. Even when the Hello Kitty fanatics try to edit it to [...]

I’ve seen a number of Hello Kitty gumball machines through the years and my wife always insists on getting a gumball out of them as if a Hello Kitty gumball machine will somehow make the gumball taste any better. I, on the other hand, simply see Hello Kitty gumball machines as a way for the [...]

My wife absolutely loves her mini collection of Hello Kitty nori (seaweed) cutters and uses them way too often. What they mean for me is that the evil feline ends up staring back at me on virtually every meal that I’m served and there is nothing that will ruin a meal faster than having Hello [...]

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump of photos sent in that didn’t make the front page of this blog: Hello Kitty Uterus Plush Hello Kitty Guitar Meow! Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans Hello Kitty Cat Litter Hello Kitty Asics Shoes Hello Kitty MP3 Player And a few photo post updates: Hello Kitty Darth [...]

I received the following question in my email the other day: What are the worst Hello Kitty products out there? “Everything?” would be my immediate response. That being said, many of the things that I personally find horrifying never seemed to raise much of a ruckus among the readers here and the Hello Kitty fanatics [...]

There is something about animals that know when they have been wronged. Just take a look at these cats and you know they are going to be seeking revenge on their owner the first chance that they get. So anyone that thought it would be a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive [...]

I have absolutely no idea why the Hello Kitty toaster is such a popular appliance with Hello Kitty fanatics (quit sending photos of it to me!). There really is nothing that’s more dreadful than having Hello Kitty staring back at you in the morning when you still aren’t awake, especially when it is accompanied by [...]

There are certainly enough Hello Kitty goods to make anyone instantly say wtf. In fact, they are so plentiful that most people would assume that Hello Kitty must have exhausted her wtf quota, but this assumption would leave you sorely mistaken. There really isn’t any other way to react to the fact that Hello Kitty [...]