Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty on anything is a disaster in itself. Give that Hello Kitty item to a celebrity and that disaster only amplifies untold times. Kelly Clarkson x Hello Kitty is a perfect example. I’m not sure what I find more disturbing — the fact that a Hello Kitty garter belt exists or that Kelly Clarkson [...]

I’m beginning to think that creative editing (much along the lines of Hello Kitty coloring pages) might be the way to help lessen the agony of living in Hello Kitty Hell. If a Hello Kitty fanatic decides to gift you a Hello Kitty growth chart, what is the best way to proceed after the stomach [...]

You’re excited for Halloween because you have decided to go out as Darth Vader. You can’t wait for your friends to see your awesome costume. Then mom says that you have to take your little sister with you. You can’t believe your rotten luck. Having your little sister tagging along is going to ruin everything. [...]

One would think that with all the Hello Kitty cars that already exist in the world (Hello Kitty Ferrari, Hello Kitty Pick-Up Truck and Hello Kitty VW Bug to name just a few — and I know you really don’t want me to go on which, unfortunately, I could…), that the evil feline would finally [...]

Having a formidable weapons cache isn’t enough for the evil feline when all it includes is a Hello Kitty Armoured Personnel Carrier. There needs to be more. Thus, something as horrendous as the Hello Kitty tank exists:

There are two truths about Hello Kitty: She’ll piggy back on anything that she thinks will sell her brand and go anywhere to do it. It is because of this truth that it is no surprise (although still stomach churning) that the evil feline has found her way to Burning Man in the form of [...]

One would assume that after the Hello Kitty latex bed there would have been enough Hello Kitty kink for the week, but then that would be greatly underestimating how much Hello Kitty loves her sex. This was made readily apparent when I found out that the Hello Kitty S&M love hotel existing was not enough, [...]

The mere fact that I not only know what this is and what it is used for should make me want to end my life. Unforetunatley, the pain doesn’t end there. My wife has actually tried to put Hello Kitty eggshell membrane oil on my face (see, your life doesn’t seem all that bad at [...]

If you have spent any amount of time on this blog, you know that when it comes to Hello Kitty tattoos, the evil feline has no problem mixing it up with absolutely everything. This includes religion, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that someone thought that a Hello Kitty Virgin Mary tattoo would [...]

It became obvious long ago that despite the the innocent persona that Hello Kitty tries to cultivate, she has a lot of sex on her mind. There is no other reason that the people at Sanrio revived the Hello Kitty vibrator or that they would allow a campaign like this. This is not to mention [...]

More proof that the entire world is going to Hello Kitty Hell. You know that all is not right in the world when the the evil feline is prominently displayed in the gift shop of the supposed bastion of high art. I guess I won’t be traveling to the Louvre Museum anytime soon: Sent in [...]

Apparently the Last Supper painting had a slight flaw in the eyes of the evil feline — basically, she was left out of it:

There is never a good reason for anyone to ever have to listen to the Hello Kitty theme song (besides possibly terrorist interrogation). Despite this, not listening to the Hello Kitty theme song is not a realistic possibility if you live with a Hello Kitty fanatic. I guess if one must listen to it, there [...]