Hello Kitty Hell

I knew that once the Hello Kitty Christmas tree showed up in my email before December even began that things weren’t going to go well this holiday season. This feeling was confirmed when someone, for some unfathomable reason, thought it would be a good idea to send me a photo of Hello Kitty Christmas ornaments:

If Hello Kitty fanatics are willing to carve the evil feline into their skin (as well as branding), I guess that it really shouldn’t be a surprise that someone would also have no issue having Hello Kitty stabbed into their back with a bunch of acupuncture needles:

Just in case you were under the deluded impression that Hello Kitty was somehow not wanting to be on absolutely anything and everything that exists, I present the Hello Kitty bullet proof mask:

Leave it to Hello Kitty fanatics to not have the patience (or common decency) to start sending me horrible reminders of what the next month is going to be like in Hello Kitty Hell. First there was the Hello Kitty Christmas tree which soon lead to another Christmas tree before the floodgates opened (which created [...]

One of the worst parts of living in Hello Kitty Hell is how the evil feline manages to ruin all types of food. It has already been well established that no food is off limits to her commercialization, and she once again proves that with stunning clarity. Anyone who loves Mexican food should be shedding [...]

The simple fact that anyone could even conceive of this club, let alone that it actually exists, scares the Hello Kitty Hell out of me. There really isn’t any more that needs to be said about the Hello Kitty Athletic Club:

We are all well aware that the evil feline has taken over both land and air. It appears that she isn’t satisfied with these two domains and that she also has set her sites on water with the Hello Kitty sailboat:

It’s already well documented that hello Kitty loves her drugs whether it be Hello Kitty cocaine or Hello Kitty marijuana accessories. And with the way that those who follow the evil feline dress up for raves (NSFW), is it really any surprise that Hello Kitty ecstasy exists?

The people at Sanrio have gotten to the point that they aren’t even trying anymore. Seriously. The don’t care at all because they know that the fanatics will buy anything. I think they have even reached the point of actively trying to see if they can find anything that Hello Kitty fanatics won’t buy. There [...]

We all instinctively know that Hello Kitty guns are an extremely bad idea. There is no need to show us. In fact, we also know instinctively that if we did see a fanatic with guns that we would cringe in the best case scenario and our brains would be scarred for life in the worst. [...]

I figured that if I could survive the excruciating pain of having to see all the hideous Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkin creations, I would no longer have to worry about the evil feline being carved into fruits. Unfortunately, I once again greatly underestimated the true diabolical nature within her soul when I was shown a [...]

If you have to ask “When is Hello Kitty’s birthday?” or don’t instantly know that it’s November 1, 1974, then consider yourself one of the luckiest people on the planet. If you do know that November first is Hello Kitty’s birthday, you either have been endowed with an unfortunate intellect which for some unimaginable reason [...]