There is a never ending conflict that the evil feline must address on what is more important to her — living up to the expectation that she has as a role model of love and friendship for the young, or making money. Obviously the “love and friendship” side won out with the Hello Kitty flask, because we all know how important it is to impress upon children the need to consume vast amounts of alcohol:
Anyone who lives with a Hello Kitty fanatic will know that there are many progressions which take you deep into the hellish nightmare that your life eventually encompasses. For many, the first sign that things aren’t right is when your morning toast inevitably shows up with the evil feline’s face on it. It’s simply one of those moments when it instantly dawns on you that things are much worse than you had ever imagined, and the uneasy feeling penetrates your entire body that it’s only going to get worse. Another one of those terrible realizations occurs when these first show up in one of your drinks:
It has already been well established that the evil feline is more than willing to pimp out anything that she feels will earn her a buck and that Hello Kitty loves her booze, so I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised by this. It seems that a single type of Hello Kitty vodka is not enough — and apparently not kid friendly enough as well. Thus the introduction of Hello Kitty Pink Goose vodka:
In her never ending quest to turn the stomach of all sane people while promising rainbows out the back end for her devote followers, Hello Kitty believes that her diabetes inducing soda (Hello Kitty Belly Washers) will somehow wash away all the bad of those who drink it. Far more likely is that it ends up coming right back up the end it originally went down since that is the most common reflex the evil feline warrants in most of us:
One would assume that Hello Kitty had covered all the water options ( the Hello Kitty water dispenser — Hello Kitty regular bottled water — Hello Kitty premium bottled water — Hello Kitty body shaped mineral water — Hello Kitty skin water), but that would be greatly underestimating her ability to find new markets. Apparently, she felt that she was missing the luxury water market:
It is not often that my wife will give away things in her Hello Kitty collection, but she always has a soft heart when it comes to good causes. When we were in Japan, we used to give toys to a local orphanage. Now that we are back in the US, we needed to come up with a new project. We have set a very ambitious goal to provide a lot of food to food banks, and although we have just started, we are making a difference.
This is on my wife’s current wish list which probably means that I will soon have the evil feline flipping me off every time I go to get a cup of life sustaining liquid. I wonder how long I will have to sleep in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag when my wife sees me returning the favor while yelling at the water dispenser, “%*@& you too! How the hell can you get away sitting around flipping off the world and claim you are simply ‘sucking on your finger’ when you don’t even have a mouth!” I can see that I’m going to be needing a Hello Kitty straight jacket soon…
Sent in by Azielle
It started off with Hello Kitty bottled water and most people figured that would be enough to satisfy the Hello Kitty fanatics. Not Sanrio. In the unfortunate and misguided belief that the evil feline can be sexy, Sanrio introduced another line of water bottled in Hello Kitty body shaped bottles. Though we all looked to the forces of reason to stop things there (and without even getting into the absurdity of Hello Kitty skin water), stopping there would disregard the total lack of common sense with which we have grown accustomed to when it comes to the combination of Hello Kitty and uselessness. This time it has taken form as Hello Kitty bottle bottled water:
Sent in by stephy
I received the following question in my email the other day:
What are the worst Hello Kitty products out there?
“Everything?” would be my immediate response. That being said, many of the things that I personally find horrifying never seemed to raise much of a ruckus among the readers here and the Hello Kitty fanatics — well, let’s not even go there. I guess my life has become so Hello Kittified that I have a hard time distinguishing between Hello Kitty bad, Hello Kitty worse and Hello Kitty worst. So here’s a challenge/question – what are the top three worst Hello Kitty items I have listed on this blog (yes, I know there are a number of items even worse that I have not listed, but I try to keep this blog semi family safe) and why do you think so?
I’m hoping that some of you will be able to put together a rational explanation that I can give to my wife to show her that some of this crap is downright crazy — all while not getting me sent to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the month. Yeah, I know. It isn’t going to work, but I have found that deluding myself that there is hope of one day escaping from Hello Kitty Hell makes the Hello Kitty toast and coffee go down easier in the morning…
Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump:
Hello Kitty DragonCon Pasties Nightmare
Hello Kitty Birthday Party
Hello Kitty Minivan
Hello Kitty 35th Anniversary Laptop
Hello Kitty Robot
Hello Kitty Bed
Hello Kitty Rain Boots
Hello Kitty Knife
Hello Kitty Pink Room
Hello Kitty Cutting Board
Hello Kitty Mascot Costumes
And a few photo post updates:
As with all things Hello Kitty, no matter how bad you think they have become, somewhere out there the evil feline is ready to show that things can always get worse. It was bad enough that they made a Hello Kitty cocktail, not to mention Hello Kitty wine, Hello Kitty sake and even Hello Kitty beer. From this one could expect that Hello Kitty whisky is just around the corner, but did someone really have to go and take it even a step further and create a Hello Kitty bar?
It’s bad enough when stuff gets Hello Kittified, but it takes on a whole new level of Hello Kitty scariness when the evil feline decides to try to add sexiness into the equation as well. There is no other way to explain the concept of this Hello Kitty mineral water:
Hello Kitty Hell just got a whole lot worse…There was a time when I said that the only two things that that had yet to be Hello Kittified were pizza and beer. Of course, the Hello Kitty pizza showed up in my mailbox pretty quickly after that, but the Hello Kitty beer had remained more elusive until now:
Mornings are never a good time of the day in Hello Kitty Hell since I never know what Hello Kitty themed food might show up in front of me. To combat this, I usually get a cup of coffee and sip it while reading the newspaper to prepare myself for what Hello Kitty food may appear before me. Until this week I always assumed that my coffee would be evil feline free. That is no longer the case since my wife has seen this photo and has set her sight on perfecting Hello Kitty coffee:
My wife and I were taking a walk today when she asked if I’d like some water. I said “yes” and was handed one of these:
Your eyes do not deceive you. The evil feline has her own line of bottled mineral water which I’m sure they have drugged with something that completely alters your perceptions of reality. I have no doubt about this because that is the only way my wife’s explanation makes any sense when she handed me a bottle: “The reason that it tastes so good and refreshing is that it’s filled with Hello Kitty love.”
Just another typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…
Hmmmm, it’s not often that I receive a Hello Kitty email that has me torn between this being a good thing or a bad thing (believe me, 99.9% of Hello Kitty photos sent to me are bad things). On the one hand, it is definitely not a good sign that they have started to name drinks after Hello Kitty. On the other hand, if you have to have something Hello Kitty in Hello Kitty Hell, having it come with strong alcohol included (to dull the inevitable pain) is certainly a plus. And unlike the Hello Kitty Sake and Hello Kitty Red Wine, this can’t really be saved for display. Thus I introduce to you the Hello Kitty Martini
3 oz strawberry vodka
1/2 oz gin
1 1/2 oz peach schnapps
Add all the above ingredients into a martini glass pouring over crushed ice. Stir well then garnish the glass with a strawberry (Hello Kitty bow)
Maybe the house won’t look quite so bad if I have a handful of these each night 😉
Thanks (I think) to dlbuegirl
When I wrote about Hello Kitty Rice Wine (sake) a bit ago, you knew that if they made rice wine, they must make regular Hello Kitty wine. We found it at a local store today and of course my wife needed to get a bottle to display with the sake:
I learned my lesson from the last experience and submitted to not being able to drink it (which actually is probably a good idea – I’m not sure that drinking Hello Kitty wine is something that anyone should do during their lifetime…even with its hefty $25 a bottle price tag, something tells me it will taste more like syrup than wine. Something like liquid Hello Kitty pop tarts.
It seems like a fitting purchase for Hello Kitty Hell. Something way overpriced that I will have no chance of ever drinking, but then again, probably thankful that I never had the chance to drink it. So I pay $25 for something that I am actually thankful that I can’t ever consume – that is pure Hello Kitty Hell logic.
Update: Apparently Hello Kitty wine has become popular enough to now come in different varieties – of course, I still can’t consume any of them…
And (unfortunately) the varieties keep coming:
Sent in by far too many readers via lv weekly
Stephen Colbert weighs in on Hello Kitty wine:
|The Colbert Report||Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
|Tip/Wag – Hello Kitty Wine & Pig’s Blood Filters|
Last year at this time my wife and I almost had a first in Hello Kitty Hell – a Hello Kitty item that both my wife and I agreed upon was worth buying: Hello Kitty Sake (rice wine). I figured if it could get me drunk, it couldn’t be all that bad of a thing and so I agreed that it was OK to buy it without any complaints.
As you can see, we still have the bottle – once we had the bottle in hand and I was ready to break the seal and sip some of my reward for agreeing to get the Hello Kitty sake, I was told that I wasn’t allowed to drink it:
wife: “If you drink it, then we can no longer display it.”
me: “Isn’t drinking the point of buying sake?”
wife: “No, the point is to display it and enjoy how cute it is”
me: “…(thinking why didn’t I see this coming?)”
Of course, this year we are going to have to purchase another bottle that will never see my lips to keep last year’s bottle company…and a reminder that yet another year of Hello Kitty Hell just around the corner…