Dog Chew Toy

It has already been well established on this blog that dogs that are owned by Hello Kitty fanatics must live in a Hello Kitty Hell on par with mine (for reference for those that might still have any doubt: 12345 – yes, I could go on and on…), so the fact that the evil feline continues to make products specifically for dogs pretty much confirms that there are absolutely no dog lovers working at Sanrio.

hello kitty dog chew toy

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Hello Kitty Dog’s World

While I don’t believe that anyone actually lives more of a Hello Kitty Hellish life than myself, I really do feel for the pet owners of Hello Kitty fanatics. Especially dogs who must have done some pretty horrific things in their past life to have been dealt such a humiliating hand in this one. Here is yet another prime example of what those poor dogs must endure:

Hello Kitty sleeping mask on dog

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Hello Kitty Hermit Crab

It doesn’t take a huge leap of faith to figure out that if you lived an especially disgraceful previous life, chances are that you returned to earth as a pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic as punishment. Although I can’t imagine what type of evilness could constitute such a horrendous punishment, what Hello Kitty fanatics do to their poor pets is proof that their crimes must have been immense.

One would have thought this retribution was limited to those coming back as cats and dogs, although the fact that some poor bees got thrown into the mix (forcing them to kill themselves to escape the pain) should have been a hint that no animal was safe. The Hello Kitty hermit crab is more evidence to this fact:

Hermit crab with Hello Kitty shell

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Hello Kitty Puppy

Of all living things on earth that may have a comparable Hello Kitty Hell to my own, the closest may be the dogs of Hello Kitty owners. When your owner thinks it’s a good idea to give you a Hello Kitty ID tattoo or simply dress you up like this (or this or this or this — it is quite sad that I could keep going on and on), being a dog owned by a Hello Kitty fanatic can’t be an easy life.

Knowing this, it becomes plainly obvious when a creature did something beyond evil in their past life, and now the karma has come back to haunt them in their new form. There is no other explanation when you see a photo like this:

Hello Kitty puppy

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Hello Kitty Chihuahua

I must have really done something really (and I mean beyond belief)terrible in my last life because there simply is not another explanation as to why I have found myself suffering in Hello Kitty Hell. There are very few things in the world that I can think of that would be worse than being the significant other of a Hello Kitty fanatic. One of those few things is being the pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic because you end up on the street looking like this:

Hello Kitty Chihuahua

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Hello Kitty Bees Commit Harakiri In Protest

It seems that the Hello Kitty beehive bees succumbed to the humiliation of having to be known as the Hello Kitty bees. At the time, Bill Bird was confused about why his bees were swarming even though the evidence was obvious as I explained:

The answer is simple. You’re making the bees live in a freaking pink Hello Kitty bee hive and they figured it out. It would make anybody angry and want to swarm. Of course, as anyone that would think it was a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive in the first place, they try to rationalize the new found aggressiveness of the bees to something else.

Hello Kitty hive

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Hello Kitty Lindsay Lohan Crap

It seems that Lindsay Lohan has decided that she no longer needs some of her Hello Kitty crap. She has decided to sell it to her fans on a new website which she created for the sole purpose of selling all of her old crap (seriously, you can’t make this stuff up). I can’t decide if it is good news that Lindsay Lohan has actually figured out that Hello Kitty crap is not worth keeping, or beyond evil feline evil that someone will end up with not only Hello Kitty crap, but Hello Kitty crap previously owned by Lindsay Lohan.

Hello Kitty Lindsay Lohan dog bag

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Hello Kitty Weekly Photo Dump

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump of photos sent in that didn’t make the front page of this blog:

Hello Kitty Uterus Plush
Hello Kitty Guitar Meow!
Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Hello Kitty Cat Litter
Hello Kitty Asics Shoes
Hello Kitty MP3 Player

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Darth Vader
Hello Kitty Coffee Maker
Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard
Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo

Hello Kitty Worst of and Weekly Photo Dump

I received the following question in my email the other day:

What are the worst Hello Kitty products out there?

“Everything?” would be my immediate response. That being said, many of the things that I personally find horrifying never seemed to raise much of a ruckus among the readers here and the Hello Kitty fanatics — well, let’s not even go there. I guess my life has become so Hello Kittified that I have a hard time distinguishing between Hello Kitty bad, Hello Kitty worse and Hello Kitty worst. So here’s a challenge/question – what are the top three worst Hello Kitty items I have listed on this blog (yes, I know there are a number of items even worse that I have not listed, but I try to keep this blog semi family safe) and why do you think so?

I’m hoping that some of you will be able to put together a rational explanation that I can give to my wife to show her that some of this crap is downright crazy — all while not getting me sent to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the month. Yeah, I know. It isn’t going to work, but I have found that deluding myself that there is hope of one day escaping from Hello Kitty Hell makes the Hello Kitty toast and coffee go down easier in the morning…

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump:

Hello Kitty DragonCon Pasties Nightmare
Hello Kitty Birthday Party
Hello Kitty Minivan
Hello Kitty 35th Anniversary Laptop
Hello Kitty Robot
Hello Kitty Bed
Hello Kitty Rain Boots
Hello Kitty Knife
Hello Kitty Pink Room
Hello Kitty Cutting Board
Hello Kitty Mascot Costumes

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Bra Shop
Hello Kitty Anime
Hello Kitty Bar
Hello Kitty sandwich

Hello Kitty Bee Hive

There is something about animals that know when they have been wronged. Just take a look at these cats and you know they are going to be seeking revenge on their owner the first chance that they get. So anyone that thought it would be a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive should have known that the bees would revolt:

Hello Kitty bee hive

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Hello Kitty Cat Fur Bow Revenge

Hello Kitty fanatics don’t often think about this, but there can be a price to pay when you dress your pets in Hello Kitty outfits. It doesn’t take a genius to see that many of the cats who are dressed in Hello Kitty look like they will seek unspeakable revenge on their owner as soon as the chance presents itself. Usually we never get to see if this revenge is completed, but here is a photo of Jeanne (who made her cat wear a Hello Kitty bow out of her own fur) a few days later:

Hello Kitty cat fur bow revenge

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Hello Kitty Dog Hip Dysplasia Orthopedic Brace

You really have to feel sorry for dogs that end up in Hello Kitty fanatic homes. Whether they are putting you in Hello Kitty dog clothes, placing a Hello Kitty muzzle over your nose, putting you in a Hello Kitty doghouse, placing a Hello Kitty head over your own or forcing you to get a Hello Kitty tattoo, life pretty much sucks all the way around. Of course, a Hello Kitty fanatic won’t stop there. When you’re old and you can no longer walk on your own, your owner will promptly embarrass you to no end by getting you a Hello Kitty dysplasia orthopedic brace:

hello-kitty-hip-dysplasia-orthopedic-brace

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Hello Kitty Dog Muzzle

If there is anything worse that me living in Hello Kitty Hell, it might possibly be a dog living in Hello Kitty Hell. Whether it’s their fanatic owners giving them a Hello Kitty tattoo. Making them wear a Hello Kitty head / Hello Kitty dog blanket and Hello Kitty clothes / Hello Kitty jewelry, they pretty much are guaranteed to be the laughing stock of all the other dogs in the neighborhood (boy, do I know how that feels). Of course, things can still get worse for dogs as well like having to wear a Hello Kitty dog muzzle:

Hello Kitty dog muzzle

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Hello Kitty Dog Wear

There seems to be this oblivious part of every Hello Kitty fanatic where they believe that it’s perfectly acceptable to insult their pets and make them the laughing stock of the neighborhood. While the things that they do you cats (example one :: example two :: example three) is downright torturous, there is no doubt that the true humiliation is reserved for the dogs (example one :: example two :: example three :: example four :: example five). So it should be no surprise that the evil feline would continue to make a dog’s life as Hello Kitty Hellish as my own:

Hello Kitty dog wear

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Hello Kitty Cat Hood in Death

Remember those poor cats (and more cats) and dogs (and even babies and adults) that had were forced to wear Hello Kitty head gear to satisfy the cravings of the Hello Kitty fanatic in their family? One would assume that it couldn’t get much worse than this, but oh, it surely does. If you need proof, I present to you the Hello Kitty cat hood of death:

Hello Kitty cat hood of death

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