Hello Kitty Hell

The people at Sanrio seem to do everything in their power to make my life miserable in winter. The pink set arrived at our house yesterday and is a perfect example to illustrate this point…

One of the many problems of living in Hello Kitty Hell is that there are far too many unexpected (usually of the horrifying variety) surprises. One would assume that the clothes in my closet would be safe from these events, but I found out a few minutes ago that is not the case when I [...]

While it pains me to no end to use the terms “Hello Kitty” and “practical” in the same sentence, Hello Kitty earbuds do seem more practical than Hello Kitty earbud charms. That being said, Hello Kitty earbuds also seem like a practical torture device. Simply attach them to a Hello Kitty device that will blind, [...]

The worst part of having a Hello Kitty fanatic as a significant other is that they think that taking photos of you with Hello Kitty things is cute. If you are naive enough to indulge this urge of the Hello Kitty fanatic, you end up with photos like this of you holding a Hello Kitty [...]

You would think that once Halloween was over that everyone could feel safe from the horror of having Hello Kitty fanatics dress up as the evil feline. Sanrio, in all their evilness, has other ideas. In an effort to torture all non Hello Kitty fanatics into submission, Sanrio wants to make dressing up as Hello [...]

I knew it was only a matter of time before something like this showed up in my email. For any normal person, it would be hard to imagine anything worse than getting a Hello Kitty tattoo. That would be greatly underestimating the horror that the evil feline can produce. Anyone living in Hello Kitty Hell [...]

One would think that it would be impossible to make a harem of sex dolls stored in the closet any creepier, but that is definitely not the case. That’s because when you place a large Hello Kitty plush on the top shelf to watch over them and a Hello Kitty night light on the floor [...]

First, the posts and updates that happened this past week that weren’t mentioned on the front page:
Hello Kitty Girl Mike Carroll Skateboard Decks
Hello Kitty Assault Rifle (update)
Hello Kitty Schoolgirl
Hello Kitty LCD TV (update)
And now onto the contest…
I have been able to breathe a sigh of relief because the Hello Kitty toaster and both the pink [...]

The evil feline knows how to make a generation of real skateboarders want to purposely road rash themselves to death. When Hello Kitty gets the endorsement of Hilary Duff for skateboarding, skateboarders can roll their eyes knowing that their sport is safe and has nothing to worry about. When Mike Carroll creates Hello Kitty skateboard [...]

This is why I hate this time of year. No sooner has Halloween and the celebration of whatever freaking year the evil feline has turned (does it really matter since she still looks exactly the same?) ended that I start getting emails for things like a Hello Kitty pink feather Xmas tree:

You know that you have lived in Hello Kitty Hell far too long when you take a look at photos like this and immediately say to yourself, “well at least her face mask isn’t Hello Kitty” when in reality any sane person would be running as fast as they could in the opposite direction in [...]

One thing that you learn quickly when you live with a Hello Kitty fanatic is that you are never safe from the evil feline when traveling. That’s because no matter where in the world you might be, there is a good chance that a Hello Kitty store exists — and the one universal truth for [...]

So, apparently my mom read my post about the free Hello Kitty shoulder massager and followed the link explaining what the alternative use for it is. To her credit, when I talked to her on the phone, I didn’t get the reaction of disgust and lecture about the sexual promiscuity of the younger generation that [...]

It’s that time of the week again where you have the choice to go outside, enjoy the day and keep your sanity, or go through all the posts that didn’t make the front page of this blog. I highly recommend the first option, but for those of you who are into self torture, there is [...]

If there is one thing that the evil feline can’t stand, it’s her image appearing on stuff where she hasn’t been able to fleece the buyer for the majority of their last paycheck. Because of this, Hello Kitty tattoos have always posed a problem for her. The solution for body piercings was simple. The idea [...]

Seriously, there is absolutely nothing that the Hello Kitty won’t try and stick her claws into. Apparently Japanese haiku poetry, through its long and illustrious history, was still missing something vitally important — the evil feline’s commercialization. She promptly resolved this oversight with a haiku poetry book titled Hello Kitty Through The Seasons:

OK, I’m feeling a little less uneasy about the creepy stalker package for my wife that my parents received after the person that sent the package emailed me and said she wasn’t trying to be stalker-like at all. Apparently she was simply getting ready to move and felt inspired to rid herself of much of [...]

What happens if you are a male in a Hello Kitty dominated family? You get stuck having to use things covered with the evil feline through no fault of your own which can be especially traumatizing when you are only in the third grade. Even when the Hello Kitty fanatics try to edit it to [...]

I’ve seen a number of Hello Kitty gumball machines through the years and my wife always insists on getting a gumball out of them as if a Hello Kitty gumball machine will somehow make the gumball taste any better. I, on the other hand, simply see Hello Kitty gumball machines as a way for the [...]

I don’t think that guys understand the appeal of canopies over beds in the first place, but that lack of understanding compounds immeasurably when the canopy features the evil feline on it. Let’s hope that my wife fails to find one of these because I can think of nothing more disheartening than waking up in [...]